want to show you what i mean

every time i walked across the rails
i used to think about this beautiful thing
that growed up within me,
an exhilarating light of god,
was so fucking far off that cross
made of mincing moods and then
walked just right back to my dwelling,
hopefully elated to see and to feel
this powerful light again and again
if i just would live on for a while.

now i went between the fucking tracks outside,
all my thoughts about to jerk off my fucking life on them,
because i felt no jaunty reasons
why i should walk back to the town
ever again.
and what should i still want to have at my dwelling?
it's just the same fucking place
where i lost my heart two times,
once for love and now for the pain
that comes fucking born of it, too.
could never again write, nor sit and play,
nor sleep and dream
on this fucking rack with its patchy blankets
where i bestowed you my damn cherry,
it would just fucking hurt too fucking bad much.
it's such a kind of unholy pain
with colors i just can't think away
like a headache or stuff.
it's such a kind of unholy pain
i never felt any time before
since i'm living;

just didn't know
how much a soul can be bruised
and of course i never meant to die
for somewhat like that.
guess i came back once again
just to find out the truth it would never leave me,
will forever hurt me,
will never die without i'm dying myself first.
i'm ending up just like a fucking retard,
i know, every thing i did and felt,
every thing i said and gave,
every thing i wished and was longing for...
it was all just wrong,
i did it just wrong. because i am,
because it's on me.

so fucking gruesome
how much pain must come true
only to feel this fucking real kind of love
just once in a fucking lifetime...